would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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