I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
