she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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