Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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