no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
