I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just had sex on a roof
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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