Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
