I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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