our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
