I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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