It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
