If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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