did you get engaged???
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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