He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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