Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
