I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
do herpes really smell.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
