Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
