Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
