if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
