Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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