I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
