im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
