the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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