He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
