a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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