The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think a kid would responsible me up
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
