there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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