Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
