what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
