I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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