I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
