Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
