she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
