are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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