Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
