why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
