I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
