It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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