wrigley field is MILF paradise
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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