Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
