You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
