Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
These tits shall not be calmed
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