Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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