You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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