found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
