I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
