I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
