Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Too much gin, very little bucket
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
