NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
