I met the friendliest cop last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
