Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
