My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
