if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
