I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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