he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
