while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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