I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my being single is dangerous.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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